babeelena22

I just want to sleep and be comfortable and warm under my favorite blanket. I love dreaming about different things every night. I wish I remembered them but my dreams are so short and by the time I get up from my bed I forget. Most of my spare time is taken up with sleeping and sometimes I feel like I might be wasting time just sleeping away. If you think about it though, at the age of fourteen there is really nothing much to do when you have so little friends that aren't into the same activities as you. Many people have said to live your life because there are people losing their lives everyday. I don't have anything special to do though that would show that I'm "living life". I try to do hard thinking about the purpose of life and reading literature to help picture things to live for. I'm not saying a book tells you the reason of life but it can open some windows to beautiful views out there in the world. Right now the things many people and I believe to enjoy or treasure in life are the food, making love, and books. I have never made love or "fucked" but I feel like it is a beautiful thing that is out somewhere in this confusing sphere. Living is extremely difficult but studying and understanding more is something positive to be doing. One day we will find our dream or place we want to be which will be in heaven. Actually, a lot of people are confused with life on Earth and heaven. They are not the same.

What does fun mean to you? Drinking, smoking, driving? As I get older, I seem to have less fun. Why do we grow so fast? Why is the only way for me to have fun is to go drink or smoke? I like adventures! I live in New York and the only thing to do here is eat and shop. When you have no money you pretty much just eat at home and become a fat ass. The fun things I want to do that you can do in New York is, for example, walk home from school. It sounds ridiculous but let me explain first. I live far away from my school and I need to take two long bus rides(well one is a lot longer than the other). So one day I asked my friend that lives around the block from me and goes to the same school if we wanted to walk home with me. He just said are you crazy? :( Nobody likes to try something new things unless it's alcohol or weed. I wish somebody would be into the stuff I am. Nobody ever wants to go the city with me! I live in Queens which is next to Manhattan and is only a train ride away, but my lazy friends aren't into that. Imagine if a hot ass guy shows up and is a weird ass freak like me?! HAHAHA (He doesn't even need to be that hot, that's what is sad.)

I've only been to one Sweet 16 in my whole life. I don't even remember it because I was about eight or nine when I went. This April I am going to my first REAL Sweet 16 that a girl on my soccer team invited me to. I think it's going to be my first unless there are other girls that invite me to their's that are earlier. Well, when you go to a Sweet 16 you are suppose to wear a dress. I'm not really into dresses because I don't look good in them. I have this thing called a stomach. You might not be as familiar to it as I am because mine is big! I feel like I'm already growing in a beer belly, and I don't even drink! My plan though is to loose this belly and get in shape before this April. I want to be the sexiest chick at this Sweet 16. I want guys to ask me to dance or have guys try to flirt. I want to hook up with a hot guy! I want sexy pictures of me on facebook showing how hot and skinny I look in the new dress I'm going to buy. This is my new goal. This is going to be what I'm thinking about when I eat and when I run. I'm motivated and I'm going to stay like this until the day of the Sweet 16(and hopefully forever).

I'm alone. I'm waiting for someone to join me in my adventure, but I'm too scared to invite anybody. I'm looking for the one. The one guy I will be in love with and will do the craziest things with me. I've waited so long though, too long that now I just feel lonely. I feel like the only person in this world that thinks differently or has more of an open mind. Everyone around me sees things as how it's shown in movies. The football player dates the cheerleader and they live a happily ever after. Fuck logic. When it comes to how I view a guy I think I like, or girls I might want to be friends with, I start off blind. I can't see anybody. So I start talking to them, and then slowly I start seeing faces that show who the person is. Some faces show up shining and others cracking. For example a nice girl or guy would show up shining. The reason why I use the word cracking is because the girl or guy would show up in several parts because I can't tell who they really are. Some might show up with one crack which is how I would see they have two different kind of people in them. Getting off topic like I usually do, I am very open to people and I would bring anyone on my adventure. Anyone as in any guy. This may make me sound easy but really I am picky with who I bring. If a hot guy that's a douche and a nerd that is nice wanted to come on my adventure, I would pick the nerd. I'm not saying this to act innocent or that I want to date a nerd, but I'm saying this so my journal could understand what I'm looking for.

I'm always bored, and it's starting to make me question life. What is the purpose of it? Friends, family, dreams? I think the purpose of life is love, but I don't know what love is. The love you watch in movies is obviously fake, so what is real love like? When do you find out? How much longer do I have to wait for a guy to come into my life? I am young still but my expectations for the high school I picked were a lot higher. Everyone said the school was a party high school and there are a lot of hot guys, but the freshmen guys are pussies. I was hoping to find a guy there but I haven't yet. Right now I like a sophmore, well I like him by his looks. I don't know his personality because I never talked to him, but I know him because his locker is next to mine. I don't know how to talk to him though :'((((((( Every time I see him when I'm not at my locker, he's talking to a girl. Not the same girl every time, but the girls are "okay looking". Maybe he doesn't judge by looks, I'm hoping. I'm not the most attractive girl, but I can't be perfect. The problem is is that when you're not so very attractive, it's harder to catch a guy's attention. I can't catch his attention by what I wear because we must wear uniform, and also I wouldn't want to be seen as a whore. I don't want a guy that wants me for my body either. I wish there was a guy that had balls to come up to me and ask me on a date. In this century guys only have balls when they're texting. It's sad </3 I've been trying to make my guy friend to ask a girl out on a date because I know that's what a girl wants. Of course, he's a pussy too. He's not that bad as other guys though.
This entry goes from one thought to another but writing it down makes it easier for me to think.

Happy Thanksgiving. All I want to do right now is eat, but it's too early to start. If I start now, then I won't be able to fit all the other food for Thanksgiving later. I'm trying to think of something to do that will keep me busy until then. So I decided to go on livejournal! After I'm done with livejournal I'm going to have to finish getting ready for when my family comes over. Then I'll probably read as my parents cook. The sad part is is that I'm moslty excited for the food not really for my family to come. I don't really enjoy their company like I used to. I miss being little when I didn't realize the problems my family had. I actually don't know if my family had problems when I was little, or if they started having problems as I got older. They're not fun anymore and they all have problems and shit to deal with. Not even at family parties do they enjoy themselves or try to have a good time like we used to. They just sit around and look at their phones. I wish things were the same. At least the food stayed the same.

Last night I realized how lucky I am. I realized that I don't need to hangout with people that are boring or that I'm uncomfortable being with. I realized that my exfriend's mom is a whore. I realized that her mom was drinking and driving me home. I learned so many things that I've never knew before. All in one night. It's crazy how in the moment you don't understand what's going on. Then at the ending of the night when you actually think, you realize what just happened. I have so much homework to do that I don't have time to finish this entry. I don't even think I have anything else to say. I'm just surprised; I can't even explain how I feel. Maybe because I just feel nothing.

I've been wanting to go on livejournal so bad! The last few days I've been super busy with homework and other crap, but finally I am back on livejournal! :)))))) I have a shit load of homework this weekend which I am so pissed about. I have a lab packet to do for science... I hate science. Science is like the Chinese language. No matter how much I try to understand it, I just will never understand it. It's a pain in the ass but I'm going to try my best. I just wish the only thing I learned in school was math. Math has always been my favorite subject and it always will be. Sometimes I just want to solve math problems when I'm bored. I know it sounds gay, but that's what I'm into. I also love to read. :)))) I'm not going to get into reading and my favorite books right now because I have to night start my homework. So peace out!

This is hard. Very hard. Extremely hard. Searching for a fun and cool community has been difficult for me. Soccer is my favorite sport. I've played on teams, I watch soccer when I see there's a game on, and I love it. I then searched soccer and I found communities that were for people who watch a league every week and watch every game. That made me not join it because I wouldn't feel apart of the community if I don't really know the teams and the players they are talking about. I also felt the same but for different communities. I tried looking for a community for fashion but then again,I don't know any designers. I just know the stores that I shop at. This community searching that I have been doing feels like I have moved out of my house and have been looking for a new state to live in. I have been looking carefully and been making sure I pick the right one. Just today, I joined the community called boring people. I looked at what some people posts and it seems comfortable there. Not that I'm a boring ass person, but I seem to be extremely bored lately. Nothing excites me. Nothing's fun. The only thing that's been giving me a reason to wake up besides food, is livejournal.